MY RATING SCALE: WHAT DOES POOR MEAN?

Here’s where the fun begins.  My Poor tier is a curious place.  Sometimes you naturally come across something of poor quality, and sometimes you seek inferior things out.  In terms of movies, only 45 of the 725 films I had rated when I stopped writing reviews landed in my Poor tier (just over 6%).  It’s mostly comprised of lousy sequels, lazy filmmaking, and some truly half-baked ideas.  Time is valuable, so I don’t seek these duds intentionally much anymore unless I know that I have the house to myself with nothing better to do.  I don’t know how many Poor tier albums or books that I will come across, as I feel those industries take fewer chances than filmmaking does.

The best possible poor rating is a 1.75.  This goes beyond the heavy sigh of a straight 2.  It’s disappointing, unpleasant, or weak.  I’m a bit of an outlier on this one, but I felt that 28 Weeks Later was ‘disappointing’- it took away more from the world of the impressive 28 Days Later than it added to it.  The low-budget apocalyptic evangelical Christian film A Thief in the Night is ‘unpleasant’- the filmmakers’ use scare tactics and conspiracy theories to try to force conversions out of people who don’t know the Bible well made me angry.  Kevin Costner’s ill-fated Waterworld isn’t as bad as its reputation suggests, but it is ‘weak’- a bit of a Mad Max rip-off that can’t find the balance between cheesy action film and preachy drama.

When content descends to the level of a 1.5 rating, you may start to have a physical response.  I believe that fidgeting is about the worst symptom here, where content is frustrating, possesses low potential, or feels like a waste of time.  Batman & Robin is ‘frustrating’- as a fourth installment, it’s clearly out to make money but it feels like the creators have run out of ideas such that its campiness betrays the series origins.  The 2001 remake of Planet of the Apes has ‘low potential’- the story is too familiar and the filmmakers don’t do enough to make it fresh or modern.  Adam Sandler’s Just Go With It feels like a ‘waste of time’- it’s predictable when it’s not being juvenile or absurd.

If you should ever come across something warranting a 1.25 rating, you’ll be fidgety and vocal about your displeasure as well.  The appropriate descriptors here are irritating, aggravating, and tests your patience.  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is ‘irritating’- it’s a dizzying CGI assault that might give you an actual headache, and character development and decision-making were ignored in favor of that which might sell toys and look cool.  The original Friday the 13^th is ‘aggravating’- the killer’s victims make poor decisions and are so unaware of their surroundings that they should never have been hired to run a summer camp.  Protagonists by default make for poor protagonists.  I love M. Night Shyamalan’s early work, but 2008’s The Happening ‘tests your patience’- weak dialogue, weak acting, and a bizarre plot out of a 50’s B-movie make for a real head-scratcher.
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The bottom floor of the Poor tier is where the Robert Downey Jr. eye roll meme lives.  Unless you have nerves of steel and a determination to push through the entire movie/book/album, giving up part way through is understandable.  Content scoring a straight 1 rating is annoying, pathetic, and a chore to experience.  Hostel: Part II is ‘annoying’- in a move of callous emotional manipulation, it uses female protagonists/victims, but even they make choices that hinder viewer buy-in.  Friday the 13^th: The Final Chapter is ‘pathetic’- the root concept of stopping Jason Vorhees makes sense, but this film highlights the series overall lack of consistency and continuity.  It becomes a senseless bloodbath that shows no mercy, nor does it command much sympathy.  A clear and calculated attempt to cash in on the popularity of the Spice Girls, 1997’s Spice World is ‘a chore to experience’- there doesn’t seem to be a plot, it crushes your brain’s ability to suspend disbelief, and (at least for Americans) there’s a load of what I can only hope are British references and wit whose familiarity isn’t as globally spread as the Spice Girls themselves.

We’re almost done!  There’s one rating tier left to work through.  Derision levels will be set to high.